Finale, my Faithful Friend

I did it for me.
I needed her.
I put aside her needs. If I let the euthanasia proceed, nobody's needs would matter.
Was I selfish? Probably.
Was I doing the right thing for my dog? Probably not!

Did I know that for all intents and purposes the quality of her life had deteriorated to one of mere existence? Yes - that was evident in almost any move she made or tried to make.

She was in pain when we returned home.
She was suffering when we returned home.
She was no longer the wonderful shepherd that shared so much with me.

BUT SHE WAS STILL ALIVE!

On the way home, I bought a 2" thick rib steak.
I broiled it - very rare.

I knew I had to go back to the vet the next day.
I knew it had to be done.
I couldn't really bear watching her deteriorate further.
As objective as I could be under those circumstances, her pain and suffering had escalated too much.
But, damn it, she was still alive.

Hell - if they'd give me a last meal before execution, certainly my dear German Shepherd was entitled to the same consideration.

We went out about 7:00PM that night, while the steak was cooling.
Every step she took was an obvious effort.
She had to sit -even before she relieved herself.
She lay down twice on the way back to the house.
I really didn't know whether it was the advanced cancer or the arthritis.
I had to help her up the 4 stairs to the door.

I sat with her on the floor, again, for about a 1/2 hour.

I gave her the whole steak.
She attacked it with the fervor of a pup; or maybe with the knowledge that it was her last good bone.
She stayed with that rib steak for over 2 hours - I think the meat part was gone in 2 minutes.
I prayed that it took her mind off her great pain for at least that time.

Nevertheless, she had a real lousy night.
She could not get comfortable.
She kept moving, as if to try and get away from the pain.
Maybe it was just my mind playing tricks on me.

We returned to the vet the next morning.
This time, I didn't call to tell them I was coming. I just brought her.
Nonetheless, the instant I walked in the door, the receptionist alerted the doc.

I took her for her last walk. It was very difficult for her. Everything and anything had become difficult for her.

The doc (vet) and vet tech came out and took her.
They nodded.
I nodded back.
Not one word was exchanged!
She literally pulled them to her death bed, as if she knew she was about to finally get some relief from the pain.

She didn't look back.
I did not stop them this time.

I stayed outside for at least an hour, just staring, remembering.

FINALE, MY FAITHFUL FRIEND. Rest in peace.