I Can't Watch my Dear Shepherd Die!

In the car on the way to my friend and companion's final stop, I cried.

As sick as she was, she knew what was happening.

I think she was welcoming it.

She actually licked the back of my head while driving - she hadn't done that in years.

Even in the pain she was in, her fantastic senses actually read my mind. That's what made her such a trusting and trustworthy friend for so many years.

I told the vet tech we were there.
I said we would wait outside.
I told them to give us another half hour.
We walked a little - it was very hard for her.
We sat on the concrete walkway, waiting.

The vet came out with the vet tech to take her. I was really bawling.
My crazy, beloved German Shepherd actually jumped up and with strength she had not shown for over a year started to pull them toward her own death bed.

I loved her too much to watch them give her the sodium pentothal shot.
I watched her pull them into the doorway.

It was just too much for me.

I yelled out at the very top of my lungs: NO ! STOP ! WAIT ! They did.

I told them I couldn't do it.

I told them I'd be outside with her for a while.

We sat back down on the grass for almost another hour.

The vet tech came back out 3 times. The last time, I said not today.

I took her back home, in tears.