Finale, my Faithful Friend

I did it for me.
I needed her.
I put aside her needs. If I let the euthanasia proceed, nobody's needs would matter.
Was I selfish? Probably.
Was I doing the right thing for my dog? Probably not!

Did I know that for all intents and purposes the quality of her life had deteriorated to one of mere existence? Yes - that was evident in almost any move she made or tried to make.

She was in pain when we returned home.
She was suffering when we returned home.
She was no longer the wonderful shepherd that shared so much with me.

BUT SHE WAS STILL ALIVE!

On the way home, I bought a 2" thick rib steak.
I broiled it - very rare.

I knew I had to go back to the vet the next day.
I knew it had to be done.
I couldn't really bear watching her deteriorate further.
As objective as I could be under those circumstances, her pain and suffering had escalated too much.
But, damn it, she was still alive.

Hell - if they'd give me a last meal before execution, certainly my dear German Shepherd was entitled to the same consideration.

We went out about 7:00PM that night, while the steak was cooling.
Every step she took was an obvious effort.
She had to sit -even before she relieved herself.
She lay down twice on the way back to the house.
I really didn't know whether it was the advanced cancer or the arthritis.
I had to help her up the 4 stairs to the door.

I sat with her on the floor, again, for about a 1/2 hour.

I gave her the whole steak.
She attacked it with the fervor of a pup; or maybe with the knowledge that it was her last good bone.
She stayed with that rib steak for over 2 hours - I think the meat part was gone in 2 minutes.
I prayed that it took her mind off her great pain for at least that time.

Nevertheless, she had a real lousy night.
She could not get comfortable.
She kept moving, as if to try and get away from the pain.
Maybe it was just my mind playing tricks on me.

We returned to the vet the next morning.
This time, I didn't call to tell them I was coming. I just brought her.
Nonetheless, the instant I walked in the door, the receptionist alerted the doc.

I took her for her last walk. It was very difficult for her. Everything and anything had become difficult for her.

The doc (vet) and vet tech came out and took her.
They nodded.
I nodded back.
Not one word was exchanged!
She literally pulled them to her death bed, as if she knew she was about to finally get some relief from the pain.

She didn't look back.
I did not stop them this time.

I stayed outside for at least an hour, just staring, remembering.

FINALE, MY FAITHFUL FRIEND. Rest in peace.

I Can't Watch my Dear Shepherd Die!

In the car on the way to my friend and companion's final stop, I cried.

As sick as she was, she knew what was happening.

I think she was welcoming it.

She actually licked the back of my head while driving - she hadn't done that in years.

Even in the pain she was in, her fantastic senses actually read my mind. That's what made her such a trusting and trustworthy friend for so many years.

I told the vet tech we were there.
I said we would wait outside.
I told them to give us another half hour.
We walked a little - it was very hard for her.
We sat on the concrete walkway, waiting.

The vet came out with the vet tech to take her. I was really bawling.
My crazy, beloved German Shepherd actually jumped up and with strength she had not shown for over a year started to pull them toward her own death bed.

I loved her too much to watch them give her the sodium pentothal shot.
I watched her pull them into the doorway.

It was just too much for me.

I yelled out at the very top of my lungs: NO ! STOP ! WAIT ! They did.

I told them I couldn't do it.

I told them I'd be outside with her for a while.

We sat back down on the grass for almost another hour.

The vet tech came back out 3 times. The last time, I said not today.

I took her back home, in tears.

Just a few hours to Euthanasia

I made the call to the vet. It's now a matter of hours.

I sat outside, on the ground, with my arm around her, gently stroking her still beautiful coat. She lay absolutely still. Fortunately, she didn't show much discomfort for those couple of hours.

Whenever I looked in her eyes I saw that she knew; she knew all that was happeniing, and what would happen - what had to happen. She knew she was dying.

PLEASE, PLEASE folks, take care of your dog. Yes - you must be firm and you must discipline it, but be kind and gentle and patient. They may not be human, but they have senses that we cannot even imagine. My Shepherd has sensed the concern and worry from me. Any dog would -really.

The patience and kindness you put into teaching and discipline for your dog will give you years of wonderful pleasure -friendship - companionship.
Even now, as I contemplate her impending death, I hope you folks will consider what may help make life with your dog a little better. It will be worth it.

On the right of this weblog I list some excellent sites that will help you and your dog, even if not a shepherd.

I hope you'll use them.

Believe me your dog is worth it.

I've Got to Kill My Friend

The time is very near. My loyal and trusty - and trusting - friend and companion for so many years is suffering, a lot;
She can't get comfortable, her appetite is diminishing;
medicine isn't really helping;
she's trying to go off in a corner, as if she just wanted to get away and hide;
I really believe she knows how sick she is.
As much as she has always loved the cold and snow, my dear shepherd has always absolutely hated the rain. She layed down in the rain, as if she just didn't care any more.

No matter how I look at at, I've got to kill my friend.

They say it's the right thing to do for the animal.
They say it's the humane thing to do for your pet.
They say it's our responsibility to relieve their suffering when our pet's 'quality-of-life' has almost totally disappeared.

Damn, that dog is like my child. I'd rather be euthanized myself than do it to her.

But I can no longer bear to see her suffer.
I love her too much.
It'll be very soon.